“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – We’re all so used to this cliché floating around in song lyrics, conversations with well-meaning sympathisers and echoing in our own heads as we try not to drown in the tsunami-ridden waters of life. But have you ever questioned the truth of the statement? Does adversity really make us stronger? I personally don’t believe it does, and I’ll tell you why…
“Wow, you’re so inspiring” – If you ask anyone who has a disability, chances are they have heard this phrase, I’ve heard it many times in some shape or form throughout my life, but the fact is that I’m really not that special. I had to do what I had to do, even if sometimes it followed a giant pity-party. I am by no means diminishing the adversity that disability has added to my life, it’s been rough at times and just plain annoying at others, but I am an extremely determined person and I choose to do the best I can with what I was given. That is what I hope others might find inspiring and not the fact that I was born with a genetic abnormality. (On a side note, a great approach when telling someone you find them inspiring is to tell them why. But before you do, make sure it’s not just the fact that they were born!)
When someone considers us inspiring because of the choices we have made to thrive despite the apparent lemons life has given us, that recognition feels really uplifting and genuine. But when someone calls us inspiring simply because of a situation we are in – like having a disability in my case – it feels meaningless and hollow.
Think back to some of the toughest times in your life – did those struggles in and of themselves make you stronger? Or was it the way you chose to respond to them? Would you believe someone and appreciate being called inspiring because you had been put in a situation or because your decisions had gotten you to the other side a stronger version of you.
Sometimes our choices lead to actions that can change a situation, and sometimes all we can do is choose to change our mindset about a situation when it’s beyond our control. When we choose wisely we empower ourselves, we get stronger and we grow. When we choose poorly we get stuck, we become unhappy and we hurt the people around us.
Adversity means different things to everyone and it can’t be compared. Your reality is your reality and if you are struggling right now, just know that you are worth fighting for – even if you are the only one doing the fighting. You are worth making choice after choice to think and act in a way that strengthens you and gives meaning to what you are going through.
What doesn’t kill you does not necessarily make you stronger. What does make you stronger is each and every empowering choice you make when faced with adversity.
Portal to Change 