Humans have a strong herd-mentality. Whenever we achieve something we feel proud of or do something that is important to us, we tend to look to the herd for validation. We feel fantastic when the reaction is positive because the approval of the herd must mean that we’re on the right track. But when the reaction is apathetic or negative it can make us feel as if we have overestimated the worth of what we were doing and in turn, overestimated our own self-worth.
Having been a particularly herd-approval-driven person for most of my life, I know how necessary it feels to receive the encouragement, praise, support, acknowledgement and belief of others. This is particularly true for our nearest and dearest, those whom we consider to be OUR people – close friends and family. But here’s the thing… all of those things are wonderful to have and should be appreciated, but they are not necessary for you to feel that what you are doing, or that you yourself, are worthwhile.
What would life be like, if, instead of hoping for support and approval from others, you gave YOURSELF everything you are longing for? This is by no means a call to become a narcissist, but rather, it is a call to look inside and see how YOU feel about what you have achieved or what you are doing. Think about being genuinely proud of an achievement or excited about a project you’re working on, a career change or a hobby you love – should it matter if someone else doesn’t react the way you had hoped? Constructive and knowledgeable advice is one thing, but reactions often come from a place of limited understanding of your situation and your feelings on the matter.
Take some time to think about your WHY. WHY exactly do you feel so good about what you have achieved? Or WHY exactly are you excited about the thing you’re doing now or want to do in the future? To clarify your WHY, ask yourself questions like:
- Which obstacles did you have to overcome to achieve what you have achieved?
- What have you learned on the way to your achievement?
- What will the thing you are doing / going to do mean to you / others?
- What makes you exactly the right person to do the thing you’re doing / going to do?
- What will happen if you stop doing the thing you’re doing / never start doing the thing you want to do?
Once you have your WHY figured out, you can fill the role of being YOUR OWN biggest supporter. After that, consider anything above and beyond from the rest of the herd as just an added feel-good bonus!
Wishing you a clear WHY and the comfort and courage that being your own biggest supporter brings
Portal to Change 