Why do most of us find it so difficult to reach out for help when we’re struggling?
I think one of the biggest reasons is that we are afraid that we won’t get what we need from the interaction. On top of that is the fear that we may get exactly what we DON’T need!
What if we go into a conversation NEEDING someone to listen attentively and empathetically, but GETTING a heap of well-meaning but unhelpful advice instead? And what if all we NEED is someone to comfort us, but what we GET is someone telling us that it could have been worse?
This makes us feel unheard and unseen, and leads to us withdrawing into ourselves. We would rather try to cope with what we are going through on our own, because reaching out could mean feeling even more hurt, frustrated or alone.
There is a solution to needing one thing and getting another, but it requires a bit of bravery and a lot of vulnerability…
What if instead of hoping that others might instinctively know what we need when we reach out, we ASK for something specific?
Think about how much you care about the dear ones in your life and what you would do for them. Now imagine if you knew EXACTLY what would make them feel supported and safe. Well great news – you don’t have to take a shot in the dark – you can simply ASK them what they need.
So how can we start making the world a place where our instinctive reaction is to reach out rather than withdraw?
- When someone is struggling, ASK… “How can I best support you through this?”
- When you are struggling, ASK… “Please can you support me through this by {doing ???}”
“The most basic of all human needs is to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” – Ralph Nichols
Remember to listen with the intention of understanding and to speak with the intention of being understood.
Wishing you empathy and understanding in difficult times – for yourself and for those you love.
Portal to Change 