Changing my attitude changed the way I saw my world
I had always considered myself a grateful person. I made a point of never forgetting to thank anyone and I appreciated things like having friends, family, food to eat and a house to live in. I knew I was lucky to have so much, so why did life seem so difficult and even a bit hopeless at times?
In a pit of despair and at the height of my struggle with anxiety and panic, the last thing I wanted to hear from my psychologist was that I had “lost the ability to see the wonder of the world”. To counter this he suggested keeping a gratitude journal every day and writing down just a few things I was grateful for that day whether big or small.
Because I had already been working through so many things and had begun to gain and practice some amazing coping skills, I decided to take his word for it and give the gratitude journal a try. It felt like reading “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” and finding out that the answer to “life, the universe and everything” is 42 (if you haven’t read the book, the point is that it made absolutely zero sense that if there was hope for me at that point, it would be in the form of a lowly gratitude journal).
That was about two and a half years ago, in which time gratitude journaling has become an almost daily habit. Looking back, the incredible thing is that I really had lost the ability to see the wonder of the world, even though I considered myself someone who understood gratitude. Almost daily, I would write down a list of things that happened that day that I was grateful for. The lists comprised the big things (like having the means to be able to go to a therapy session and having a husband who supported me through something that is so hard to understand unless you’ve experienced it) to the small things (like sitting outside and listening to the breeze rustle the leaves or feeling the sun on my back on a cold day in winter). The lists were much longer than I expected them to be. I wanted, in my usual all or nothing way, to write down absolutely everything I could think of. From that first day of journaling things began to shift, I started to see and experience things I had been taking for granted because I was actively looking for them throughout the day. The world didn’t change, but my outlook did – and that, in turn, changed my world.
Gratitude journaling has become a permanent fixture in my life, even now that I am happy and anxiety and panic have been downgraded from disorders (fire-breathing, elephant-sized spider-leeches) to annoyances (energy-draining, Chihuahua-sized mosquito-slugs) in my life. The reason for this is that it keeps me so aware of things to be grateful for on a daily basis. Even when the day hasn’t been the easiest or the best, I can always find something to be grateful for. A hot shower, a friendly dog, finding ice-cream in the freezer I forgot was there… there is so much out there to be grateful for when you choose to see it!
What exactly is a gratitude journal?
It’s precisely what it sounds like, a place where you write down the things you are grateful for. Other than that, it is exactly what you need it to be in a “choose your own adventure” type of way.
Something that I try to focus on is keeping my gratitude positive. How can gratitude be negative you ask? When you think in terms of “well it could have been worse” or “well at least…”. When I’m feeling down about not seeing well enough to get a drivers’ licence and get around by myself, I definitely don’t go and write in my journal: “well, at least I’m not completely blind.” (I’ve actually had people say that to me… And I am pretty sure that if I were completely blind they would say something like “well at least you can hear”.) Instead, I will write something along the lines of “I’m so grateful that I have the internet – I can connect with people and not be so isolated.” (I’m also not so secretly grateful that my husband does all the boring grocery shopping).
You can choose to use a physical journal, a journaling app, a word document… any place you feel comfortable writing or typing out your thoughts. I started my gratitude journal in a word document but now I use OneNote as it lends itself to well-organised, easy journaling that is accessible from anywhere.
You can choose to write traditional journal entries, draw pictures or jot down bullet-lists. I prefer bullet-lists for gratitude journaling because I want to quickly capture all the thoughts I have been carrying around with me all day. This also takes the pressure off in case you might feel like you need to write an essay each day – nobody is going to be grading your work!
If you decide to embark on this journey, remember that you have to find what works for you. Figure out what you are comfortable with, keeping in mind that the goal is not to have a beautiful hand-written keepsake to pass on to the next generation, or to tick off the “today I practiced gratitude” box on your list of self-improvement to-do’s. Your journal is just for YOU and it should be a place you want to visit daily to reflect on all that you have found to be grateful for. Think back to when you were the littler and less jaded version of you – you would gather up treasures like a broken shell, a funny-shaped leaf and a shiny stone and stuff them in your pockets. Then you would take them out later and marvel at them for the very personal reasons in your little-you heart (unless of course you forgot and they ended up clogging up the washing machine filter and getting you into trouble).
Who can benefit from keeping a gratitude journal?
Anyone who wants to live a happier life can benefit, and isn’t that pretty much everyone? Whether you’re struggling with mental illness, physical illness or pain, disability etc. or you’re just trying to cope with the stresses of everyday life – we can all do with a bit of a mindshift towards gratitude.
What if journaling just isn’t for you?
I’ve had a few people tell me that they absolutely hate writing and couldn’t face having to write things down every day. They either find writing frustrating or feel that they are bad writers.
Writing is an important part of the process because it forces you to stop and consider, to physically take note of things (I love puns, just in case you missed it). The other fantastic thing about writing is that you can go back later and reflect on what you wrote again. When you’re having a particularly bad day and maybe you’re really struggling to find anything to be grateful for, you can go back and read some previous entries. This reminds you of what you were grateful for in the past and is a reassurance that change is inevitable and that this dark time too shall pass.
If you really, really, REALLY don’t want to write (like you would rather watch grass grow or walk barefoot over lego bricks), consider putting aside a gratitude reflection time each evening before you go to bed. Take a few minutes to go through all the things that happened that day that you are grateful for.
You could take some voice notes or you could even consider keeping a photo album on your phone for gratitude. That way you can snap a quick picture of one or two things a day and keep them as reminders. You can go back and reflect on how lucky you are, for example, to have a dog who enjoys your cooking so much that he eats till he looks like a watermelon with legs.
But does it work for everyone?
There are various articles from reliable sources out there like this one which discusses studies and thoughts on gratitude. Gratitude seems to be a universal path towards living a happier life – we just need to add it to our map and then actively make use of it.
In my own experience, anxiety, panic, and the depression that came along with them took up so much space in my mind that there wasn’t room for much else. We don’t choose these things, they happen to us and we are left to figure out what do to next. Gratitude is a next step that creates space to breathe, to stop and really take in and process everyone and everything around you that makes your life great. Your focus shifts from seeing the negatives to actively seeking out the positives and celebrating them – whether big or small. Doing this on a daily basis creates a mindshift over time, and before you know it you’re one of those annoyingly optimistic people who could make Barney the dinosaur roll his eyes in exasperation.
Give it a try, and go beyond mental health to mental wealth
Viewing life through the lens of gratitude changes your outlook completely. Whether you are actively working on improving your mental health or not, practicing gratitude will increase your happiness by slowly helping you to see everything that you do have, as opposed to everything that you don’t. It’s the amazing super-power that doesn’t actually diminish the difficulty or scariness of the darkness, but creates so much light that you can’t help but look away from the darkness towards it.
Waiting for the big moments in life to bring us joy means we miss out on the opportunity to create joy from our appreciation of all the little moments in-between. I may not know or understand the answer to “life the universe and everything”, but I’m convinced that part of the answer lies in taking nothing for granted.
Portal to Change 