The motivation lie
We are constantly bombarded with the idea that motivation is the key to success. That having a good enough reason to want something will magically provide us with all the willpower we need to propel ourselves over, under or through any obstacle that stands in our way. Whether we want to achieve a goal, chase a dream or tackle something unappealing simply because we know it needs to be done – getting motivated is all that lies between us and what we want to achieve, right? Wrong!
If it were that simple, then investing a huge amount of money in home-gym equipment would motivate you to exercise every single day. You could go on a shopping spree for clothing a size too small for you and be motivated to restrict your calories until you could fit into your new wardrobe. You could even quit the job you hate, because the threat of filing for bankruptcy and being starving and homeless would be a great motivator for finding another job, wouldn’t it? All of this sounds absolutely ridiculous… because it absolutely is! These scenarios would more than likely lead to guilt, self-loathing and financial ruin instead of getting you the results you were aiming for. Even with such intense motivation, success is not guaranteed and there are definitely self-destructive ways to attempt to motivate yourself.
I’m not opposed to motivation as such, but I do believe it’s just a small step on the climb to success. It gets you thinking and gives you a shove in the right direction, but it isn’t sustainable and sooner or later it will peter out and die (like your dreams…). I can personally attest to this as I’m sure almost everyone else on planet Earth can as well. Here are just a few of my own experiences with the motivation lie:
- I was really motivated to improve my fitness, so I bought some expensive running shoes, went out for my first ever run, nearly died and never ran again. If you ever see me running, you should run too, because all that could motivate me to run now would be imminent death.
- I wasn’t lacking motivation when I wanted to work from home after leaving my full-time job years ago. I invested in a brand new laptop, came up with an idea, developed a website, marketed myself and then withered into a self-deprecating heap of failure when clients weren’t drawn to me in the same way I’m drawn to chocolate.
- There was no shortage of motivation for me to pass all my subjects at varsity, and I did, except for my arch nemesis – first year statistics. Motivation didn’t help me pass it the first time, the second time, or even the third time. But a different approach the fourth time (after begging the faculty for another chance because first year stats was all that stood between me and the piece of paper I had worked so hard to obtain) lead to success.
These and so many other experiences over the years have convinced me that motivation is just the start of the journey. Dedication is what gets you to the end.
Dedication has helped me form an exercise habit that I love and I’m fitter than I have ever been. It has helped me work from home and work towards building even more success in that area. It has also helped me learn early on what works and what doesn’t and I have never repeated the varsity statistics fiasco in any area of my life (repeatedly hitting your head against the same wall in the same way every time is not going to break that wall no matter how badly you want it to).
Dedication is the real key to success
It’s wonderful to feel inspired, to feel like you want something so badly that you’ll do anything to make it happen, or even to know that you have to do something because it is the right thing to do. The problem is that that feeling of motivation is like ice-cream in the sun – it melts away as the situation heats up!
Dedication on the other hand, is enduring and can carry you through the many rough patches on the way to your destination. In short, dedication means that you need to accept responsibility for yourself, your actions and your choices. In doing so you decide that no matter how you might be feeling, you will follow through and create change. Motivation relies on feeling a certain way, but dedication is all about choosing to act in a certain way.
Harnessing the power of dedication
Next time you set a goal, aim to form a healthy habit or break a bad one, start working towards a dream or are faced with something you need to do that you would really much rather not – give these steps a try:
1. Start from a place of realism and honesty
Can you realistically declutter your entire home on a Saturday morning (I’m talking to all the muggles out there, no wands allowed) or go from coach potato to 5km run competitor in a week? You might know where you want to be, but that might not be realistic for you. Only you know what you can fit into your life and sustain over time. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, just decide what is realistic for you. If decluttering a room a month or going for a short walk three times a week is realistic for you, then start with that.
Also, make sure that you can answer your “why” honestly – why do you want to achieve what you have set out to do? When I felt motivated to improve my fitness a long time ago with running, it was because I thought I should look a certain way (lean and toned as opposed to the state my body has settled into now – slightly squishy with some decent muscles underneath depending how hard and where you squish). Now, my more authentic “why” for exercise is that it is essential for maintaining my mental health (and arguably for maintaining the mental health of the people around me). Because I changed my “why” to one that really matters to me personally and one which is absolutely true for me, I can stay dedicated to my exercise habit.
You might argue that this is the same as motivation, but to be dedicated you need to dig much deeper into your “why”. Motivation is often short-lived, while dedication endures even when you feel completely unmotivated.
2. Make a mindshift
One of the most important things to realise is that everything in life comes down to choices. You can’t decide what comes next in life, but you can always decide how to react to it. You have to decide to do what you set out to do and then keep deciding to do it over and over again even when things get tough.
I decided a long time ago to rein in my anger when I feel misunderstood or attacked. It was so easy to decide to do that because I would internalise my anger it felt awful. I was extremely motivated – right up until that moment when someone would say something like “but we all struggle with anxiety every now and then” or “but luckily you’re not completely blind”. That was where dedication to make the right choice would come in. On hearing things like that I could choose to get extremely angry because I felt offended and hurt, or I could choose to acknowledge that those words came from a lack of understanding and I could take the opportunity to explain what anxiety or disability are like for me. Choosing to deal with anger in the latter way has diffused it so much over time that it’s much easier to stay dedicated now. Most of the time when I feel attacked or misunderstood now, I simply remain silent without trying to defend myself – because if someone really wanted to know my side of the story they would have asked. This is the power that staying dedicated can have in your life – sustained and progressively amplified change.
What helps so much with this step is to decide beforehand what you will do when faced with a choice. If you’re trying to steer clear of sugary treats, decide before going to a dinner party that you will simply say that you are too full to eat dessert when it’s offered. That way you don’t have to decide on the spot what to do and have your willpower tested, you simply choose to use your scripted answer.
3. Make a map to success
You might know where you want to go, but without a map you’re going to struggle to get there on time and in one piece! I like to sit down and brainstorm everything I will need or will have to do to get to my destination. This has always helped me with studying over the years (except with statistics, that almost required a brain transplant). It really is as simple as listing everything and then deciding how long each thing will take and when it needs to be completed by. After that, just order everything in a way that makes chronological sense and you’re good to go!
4. Integrate your map into your daily life
If you don’t make your map to success a part of your life, you will forget about it and go off-track. If you already have some favourite planning tools (you’re probably a nerd like me) just transfer you plan over to those. If you have no idea where to start, my favourite planning tools are:
- Google calendar – I can access it from anywhere on any device and there are so many useful features.
- A bullet journal – I’ll do a blog post dedicated to this one, but in short it is a physical DIY planner which helps me break tasks down into the smallest parts so that I can tackle just a few every day without getting overwhelmed by the big picture.
- A magnetic weekly planner on my fridge – This is great for things that the whole family needs to be aware of. For example, I aim to give my daughter two piano lessons each week. Seeing them on the fridge reminds both of us when they need to happen and also reminds her to practice in-between.
- One-Note – This is a fantastic tool for creating journals and notebooks that are accessible wherever you are. For example, to write blog posts I need to keep track of ideas as soon as they pop into my head so I have a notebook for that purpose. Now instead of my ideas flitting away like butterflies, I can capture them in a jar to study and dissect later…
- Excel – This is obviously great for sticking to a budget or for other numeric calculations, but it’s also a great tool for creating schedules, monthly overviews and other collections of information.
Find what works for you and once everything is in place, it’s just a matter of choosing to stick to the plan each day. You don’t have to have Jedi-level willpower to move mountains, you just have to have the average-human-level ability to choose to shovel a little bit of dirt every day.
5. Set up your environment
Dedication to your cause is a lot easier when you adapt the aspects of your environment which you have some control over. Make choosing to move towards your goals easier for yourself wherever possible.
I don’t leap out of bed in the morning, excited and ready for a long and difficult workout (I’m more like a bear in the middle of hibernation – more than a little annoyed to not still be asleep). To stay dedicated to exercising, I have my workout clothes next to my bed so that they’re the easiest thing to put on before I drag myself off in search of caffeine and the will to live. I’ve also just made a friendly and easily understandable sign for my office door which alerts the other occupants of the house to the fact that it might be a good idea not to distract me while I work.
6. Don’t be derailed by setbacks, just adapt
Dedication is the act of choosing over and over again to stay committed to the course you have chosen. Stick to your plan as far as possible, but don’t be discouraged when things don’t work out perfectly. You might not complete all the tasks you set out to do on a particular day, your progress might be slower than you anticipated or an obstacle that seems insurmountable may loom ahead – that doesn’t need to spell doom and failure unless you let it. Maybe you have mental health issues, maybe you have a chronic illness or chronic pain, or maybe life just happens. Expect to be pushed off course, but always be ready to recalculate your route.
One missed workout, one missed deadline, one devoured family-sized packed of individually wrapped chocolates means you are human, not that you are a failure and should just give up entirely.
In conclusion, it’s all about choices
In the past I have been told that my writing and manner of speech can be very motivational. If I can motivate someone to make positive changes for themselves or reach for a dream they think is beyond them, then that is a dream come true for me. But motivation is just one step, after that, dedication needs to take over.
Dedication boils down to one thing – choices. The biggest dream, the largest task, the most daunting journey… all of them are comprised of choices, big and small, which either move you towards or away from your goal.
The most important thing to remember, is that as much as we want to strive for a fantastic future, life happens NOW. This moment is the only reality you have, so enjoy it while it’s here. Appreciate the journey and have some fun along the way!
Portal to Change 